Leo To the Rescue!

So, I decided the next step in forgetting Tom was to go away for the weekend. I'd go away longer, but can't afford to miss work. Plus the fact that I don't get paid vacation. My brother Leo gave me this getaway idea. We were talking on the phone and he suggested I come for a visit. Leo is married and his wife, Kendra, is about 4 months pregnant. Leo and Kendra live in Houston, he moved out there for a job about 5 years ago and I never see him. When he heard about my strange breakup he said "come for a visit! My treat! Just tell me when you want to fly in and I'll book you a flight!" Leo has always rescued me from troubles in the past and even though he is hundreds of miles away, he still finds ways to rescue me from my dramas. I feel bad having him pay for my flight - but he told me not to argue and that it wasn't a big deal.

Long story short, I took him up on his offer and my flight leaves tomorrow morning at 6:24am. I'm really excited! Can't wait to see Leo and Kendra. This is just what I needed to re-set myself from Tom and have a change of scenery... get out into the open country a little too. They have a beautiful house in the suburbs on about 7 acres of land. Leo designed the house himself, he's a really amazing architect. If I ever scrounge up the money for a house, he's designing it!

Anyway, enough for now... I should get going. I need to get packed, King already knows that I'm leaving because he sees my luggage. He'll be fine though its just for the weekend, besides he loves when the automatic food feeder comes out! Need to go online and figure out what we can and can not have in our carry-on bags... it's been awhile since I've flown anywhere ;)

Clutter

I knew if I was going to follow through with my new attitude and approach to break-ups, I'd have to remove all signs of Tom. I deleted him from my cyber world: cell, email, buddy list, etc. Then loaded up a couple boxes of his things for give away.

There wasn't anything that valuable to him and actually after going through things, he didn't have much at my place at all. He was too good to come to my place - didn't like the part of town, was allergic to King and generally just acted too good for my small loft apartment. He was always trying to get me to "de-clutter" as he would say. Anything decorative was "clutter" to him. He never appreciated all of my eclectic items spotted throughout the loft. He couldn't understand their value since the majority of them were from flea markets or the clearance rack. These little things make me happy. I have a little shelf hanging above my kitchen sink that is full of various items I've found along the way. My favorite on that shelf is a green and pink kitty I found at Big Lots, for $3. While these things were "clutter" to Tom, they are my little nick-nacks that make me smile.

As I remembered how unappreciative Tom was about all of my stuff, I found it pretty ironic that I was tossing his "clutter" into a big giveaway box!

Break-Up Text

Tom's flight was supposed to land at 8am, I planned to pick him up around 8:15. At 6am Saturday morning my cell woke me jumping around on the bedside table buzzzzzzzzing. I reached over for it in a drowsy confusion...

I had 1 new text message, it read (From Tom Cell) "Delayed in Boston, t-storms. Won't be home 2day or 2morrow. Actually, I'm staying in Boston for awhile. Boss got me transferred + relocation pkg. This is my dream, call you 2night I need some of my things."

I dropped my phone and sat up. I was awake now. Knew it wasn't a joke, because Tom isn't a funny guy. "What??" I said to King as he too was now awake and staring at me for food. "What??" I repeated softly. "WHAT!?!?!" I shouted! King scrambled off the bed and looked back at me with a glance of concern. I picked my cell off the floor and re-read the message. Yeah, it really said that - and I wasn't dreaming.

Wow, the nerve! The nerve to text me that at 6am Saturday morning. A break-up text! Not one abbreviated note or line about me, and where we stand as a couple! No "can we talk?" - nothing! I was livid but most of all amazed, shocked, just frozen. How could he do that? My head already hurt from thinking and since I was up my body craved coffee. Then, my head fell to the pillow and I started crying. Seemed like the right thing to do, the only thing to do. My tears soaked my pillow until I fell back asleep.

If King hadn't been so hungry for breakfast I probably would have slept all morning, but his persistent meowing paid off, and he woke me. I got up to feed him and with the intention of going back to bed. However, as I was spooning fancy-feast onto King's dish a tear drop fell onto his food. I realized if I followed my normal break-up patterns I'd be in mourning for about 2 weeks. My life would be paused, and filled with sad songs, greasy food, bad hair, sluggish energy and a grumpy mood. "What for?" I asked. Humm... What if this time is different? What if instead of falling into that miserable mode I swung back with a punch and resisted that drama? Turning disappointment into motivation. "Yes," I decided, "that is what I'm going to do." King looked at me with curiosity.

So, to kick off this new attitude I hit "reply" to Tom's 6am text and wrote: "Thanks for the wake-up text. I'll donate your things to the shelter on 3rd St. May the luck of Boston be with you." Then I inserted a smiley (wink) to conclude the message. ;)

Coffee Spill

Slept in this morning and was nearly an hour late to work. That's never good. I got the typical stares and glares from the agency after coming in at about a quarter past 9. I can't say my alarm clock was broken or that my cat ate the wires... I just didn't feel like getting up. Kept telling myself "just 5 more minutes of sleep," then, over an hour later I finally scrambled out of bed!

I got to work as quickly as I could, skipping a shower and tossing my hair back in to a rather wild yet trendy headband look. As I was trying to settle into my desk for the day, I spilled my coffee all over my appointment book. I scurried to pick up the spill and save my book, blotting the pages with paper towels and tissues. Fortunately, I was able to salvage all of the pages, but I knew this was not a good sign for my Friday.

Needless to say, I needed more coffee because I had splashed my whole mug all over my desk (which I am still finding the remnants of). So, when I went to make more coffee in the cafeteria I accidently swapped the decaf with regular coffee. I didn't realize it until late in the work day, when I was unusually sleepy. The swap created quite a disruption in the office! The addicts had withdraw headaches and were sleep-working. While the decaf drinkers were convulsing! An innocent mistake on my part, but gosh, was Michelle mad at me! Why drink decaf all day anyway? I'm sure Michelle will be fine, after a nice long run or something. Frankly she needed a wake up! Decaf is like non-alcoholic wine, what the heck is the point!! Anyway, you better believe a mix up like that got me a nice long email lecture about how to organize the coffee center.

The rest of my day followed the same klutzy and confused theme. However, I didn't let it get to me too much because Tom comes home from his business trip Saturday morning... and I can't wait to see him!

Not A Secretary's Shoe

Right now I'm a secretary at a busy advertising agency, "Peak Point." I have nothing in common with my coworkers, and I'm tired of trying to fit into their click. Today, Jenny (the Assistant Manager of Coordinating and part owner) informed me that my heels were "too loud and distracting for the secretary." She went into a whole thing about how I'm supposed to be a representative of the agency and that I need to look more professional. Jenny was talking so fast that I didn't have to say a word except "OK" before she walked away. Oh, then at the end of the day I got an email copying the entire managerial staff that I was counseled on my appearance and agreed to work on a more professional look. Isn't that insane? My shoes aren't even visible since I'm stuck behind the desk all day.


This job just isn't "me." I shouldn't feel like an alien because I drink gas station coffee instead of Starbucks, I'm a beanery club member and every 5th cup at the station is free! Or, because I shop at Walmart and actually prefer it to Target. Or, how about the fact that I don't know one character on "Gray's Anatomy!" This obsession with these things is scary. It's not just in the agency either, it's everywhere! If someone says they need their "Starbucks fix," assume they also wouldn't be caught dead in Walmart or God forbid, K-Mart... and they are addicted to "Gray's Anatomy!" The point is, this just isn't my crowd and there is more to life than coffee drinks served in confusing cup sizes!!

Luckily - I don't consider this secretary thing my career. In fact, kill me now if this is all that I'll end up doing with myself! I am an artist at heart, but struggle to succeed with that because of a variety of personal flaws. To name a few: I'm not self-motivated, I procrastinate, I'm easily distracted, I rarely follow through with things, I can't make decisions, I'm an over-spender, I'm anxious, I lack confidence and I'm unorganized.

I was handed this secretary position from an Aunt with a connection. She new I needed a job, so put in a good word for me and here I am. I've been here for just over a year now and yearning to get back on track with my painting. Just need to find a way out of this rut.

In the meantime, I have already picked out tomorrow's shoes... they're big bright multi-colored stripes of green, chartreuse, pink and black. ;)

Some Of My Favorite Things...

As a continuation to my "Intro" here are some of my favorite things: Art. Colorful, vibrant, full-of-life art of all sorts. Swimming. Ideally in the ocean, but I'm mostly constrained to pools here. ;) Rooftop Sitting. Since I've always lived in the city, believe it or not this is one of the few places you can go to be alone. My loft apartment building has access to the roof. I'm not supposed to go up there, but how can you resist!? Shopping. My shopping buddy is Tina. Jane is too impatient to find a good deal, and my Mom doesn't always agree with my style. I'm a bargain shopper and if there is a chance someone else might own it, I won't buy it! Dancing. OK, this one is embarrassing because I actually can barely dance, but Tom and I have found that if you turn out the lights and light a few candles... you'll feel like your floating on air. Kayaking. Give me a kayak, a quite river or lake and I'm set for hours! Sunday Dinners. My Mom and Dad always have my brothers and I over for dinner (they trade hosting). We catch up, and for a couple hours it seems we all can get along. Cooking. Cooking shows that is, I'm still learning HOW to cook - actually... I'm a terrible cook! Piano Music. The sound of it makes me want to cry, and I love when it's solo without any lyrics. Green. My favorite color since I was a child. ;) "King." My kitty and little buddy, he's like my shadow. Coffee. What would the world be without it? However, I don't believe in Starbucks... the best coffee is brewed by a good friend, your Mom or your gas station on the corner that is totally underrated.

Enough Intro for now, tomorrow I'll start writing. ;)

Introduction

I've never kept a diary, but figured I'd start as an attempt to figure myself out and maybe bring some order to my chaotic, scrambled life. I'll try to write as often as I can. I'll reflect on the days past and toss around my thoughts. I'm not a writer, so pardon any run-on sentences, fragments, unfinished thoughts and grammar/spelling issues.

I guess I should quickly introduce myself... My name is "Dee." I'm 25, born on Halloween of 1983. I have 3 older brothers, no sisters. My parents split up when I was 16, both have remarried since. I don't believe in having friends just to fill up an address book... so, I just have 2 close girlfriends, Tina and Jane. I'm currently in a relationship with a businessman, Tom. We've been together for 4 months. My cat's name is "King," he pretty much rules our tiny one bedroom loft apartment. I have about 6 credits towards my fine art degree, but had to temporarily drop out because money is tight. So for right now I'm the secretary at a busy advertising agency downtown. - and this job is slowly driving me crazy so I'm eager to find something else.

More about all of this later, I just wanted to jot my introduction down. You'll soon learn that I'm prone to trouble and have a tough time getting out of it. As I mentioned, the purpose of this diary is to figure myself out!